Saturday, May 14, 2011

Fail the Sun to Shine

It is almost as if years have passed since I have been able to walk swimmingly down the streets with a physical comfort befitting its emotional counterpart.  A brisk wind befalls my noble intentions as I clinch my teeth and brace for the traditional blend of venom and winter here in Chicago.

Much as I consider weathermen to be a wasteful group of individuals, I will use their work as a basis for a rant.  I hope this is acceptable.

I am entirely sick of people who make plans based on what the perceived weather conditions will be more than a day ahead of time.  Note to the slow: Weathermen have no clue what the weather will be like in five days.  They can tell you if a monster storm is coming, but they can't tell you whether or not it will rain next Tuesday.  Anyone who says they can is part of the problem.

While you're at it, stop watching local news.  I spend a lot of time on the internet, but let's not pretend for a split second that there is ever any worthwhile information on the local news broadcast.  It's a bunch of people not fit for HD talking about useless information.  In the internet age, how does local news still exist?  I don't ever want to hear someone give the name of a local newscaster in normal conversation again, or I'm crackin' skulls.

Oh, and fuck you if you don't like Fourth Amendment.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Get Ready For Severed Legs

In the spirit of this new blog I am concocting, it is important that I remind you all that I reserve the right to cut off anyone's legs at basically any time.  Act accordingly.